MAYNILA, PHILIPPINES — Breaking news, mga kababayan! Muling naglabas ng travel advisory ang United States para sa Pilipinas, na para bang every few weeks eh parang nagkakaroon sila ng "Tripadvisor horror review" ng ating bansa.
Ayon sa U.S. State Department:
"Exercise increased caution when traveling to the Philippines due to crime, terrorism, civil unrest, and kidnapping."
Aba, parang nanonood lang sila ng teleserye na ang title ay “Anak ng Krimen: Ang Pagbabalik ng Kidnapper 5.”
Pero Bakit Nga Ba Laging May Travel Advisory? Sa dami ng ulit nilang naglabas ng advisory, baka kailangan na natin itong isama sa school curriculum:
- Araling Panlipunan 5: Mga Pangunahing Produkto ng Rehiyon
- Araling Panlipunan 6: Kasaysayan ng Pilipinas
- Araling Panlipunan 7: Quarter 3 – Paano Mag-react sa Travel Advisory ng America
May Terorista Ba Talaga sa Kanto? Kung pagbabasehan mo ang advisory, parang bawat kanto dito may nakatago nang hostage-taker na nag-aabang ng turista. Eh sa totoo lang, yung tito mong naka-sando at walang pang-ipon sa Jollibee bucket meal ang pinaka-threat sa barangay. (Threat sa family budget, that is.)
Yes, may mga lugar na dapat iwasan — gaya ng ilang bahagi ng Mindanao kung saan may mga aktibidad na hindi natin dapat binabaliwala. Pero most of the country? Safe. Mas malaki pa ang chance mong ma-scam sa online shopping kaysa ma-kidnap sa Boracay.
Nakakatawa kung paano tayo rito sa Pilipinas, kahit may baha, brownout, at sunog sa kabilang street, nagkakaraoke pa rin at may street party pa! Meanwhile, foreigners read the advisory like we’re one step away from a zombie apocalypse.
“Do not travel to the Sulu Archipelago…” Tapos yung kaibigan mong taga-Zamboanga nagsend ng TikTok dance video with matching beach sunset sa background.
Hypocrisy Much? Let’s not forget: America has its own issues. Every week may school shooting, road rage, at toxic political rants sa Facebook. Pero hindi naman tayo naglalabas ng travel advisory sa kanila:
“Dear Filipinos, avoid traveling to the U.S. unless you're into daily existential dread and overpriced healthcare.”
The Real Danger: Excess Baggage Charges. If there’s one legit danger sa pagbiyahe, hindi 'yan terorismo — kundi yung biglang P6,500 excess baggage fee sa NAIA kahit dalawa lang naman yung tuwalya mo. At 'yung pinsan mong huling-huli sa x-ray dahil may dalang "danggit" sa hand-carry.
Dear America, we love your Netflix, your burgers, and your visa application rejections. But maybe, instead of scaring your citizens every quarter, you can just say:
“Hey, enjoy the Philippines, just don’t act like a fool and use common sense like everywhere else.”
Because in the end, the Philippines is not perfect — but it’s definitely more fun, more real, and less likely to mug you than your bank back home.
Author’s Note: No tourists were harmed during the writing of this article. Except that one guy who thought Manila was one giant beach resort. Sorry, bro — that's Manila Bay, not Boracay.